It has been a seriously long time since I have written here. For some reason I haven’t felt the need. It may be that I’m happier with myself and my life than before. It could also be that I have been busy. I think whatever excuse or reason I come up with it will only be a half-truth. Sometimes a person needs to take a break from something. That’s not to say that I haven’t been writing at all, only that my writing has been either too personal in nature to get posted here, or so impersonal that it has nothing to do with this process.
My life has changed entirely in the past seven months. I had to count that on my fingers to be sure it’s seven. It seems both longer and shorter than that. Tonight I went for dinner with a writer friend of mine. He is wonderfully talented and has something about him that has always been magnetic for me. It seems he feels the same way about me. Whatever it is, we meet up a couple of times a year to catch up, and often it seems that I do a lot of the talking. He is one of the best listeners I have ever come across, and often pipes up with a little gem which somehow manages to root itself into my consciousness for ever after. Tonight was yet another wonderful night with him. And coming home, I feel inspired to begin jotting down my thoughts again, no matter what nature or how wholly disconnected they are from the prior themes of these musings.
I’m not sure what it is but there is something that draws me to writing here. Perhaps it’s the imaginary audience I have. The people who know about this blog because I have told them, but mostly the idea that these ideas are really just the equivalent of ink spilling on a page and the odd person noticing that it takes an interesting shape. It doesn’t really matter much to me if anyone reads it at all. It just helps to think that someone does.
But I’m off on a tangent. What I began saying is that my life is incredibly different from the way it was only seven months ago. For one I have changed physical location. I live with my love. I work close to home. I practice yoga nearby. And my belly is swelling daily, and excites me more than I dared imagine it would.
Getting used to the idea of being pregnant is a strange concept. There is a tiny little person inside me right now. She’s aware that I just took a sip of my tea and can hear me typing on these keys, although she has no idea what she is hearing. I say she irresponsibly. It could be a little he. A little Fionn or Ethan or Kieran. But I think it’s Maia, and so does my love. And the ring test says she’s going to be a little girl.
To be in love and happy and knocked up. I wish that joy on everyone else. For without love there is no true understanding.
