How do you know?

What is love? Is it wanting to share everything with someone? Is it knowing that you would do anything for a person, even if it puts your own needs at risk? Is it being able to say anything, without judgment and know that you will be accepted?

How do passion and love intermingle? Can they lie together in the same bed, or do they have to take turns? Lust overpowering the tender, sweet and gentle feelings that come with time, with self knowledge and with acceptance of the other person?

Can love be the powerful desire that makes you want to cling to a person for dear life, or is that need, lust, possessiveness and nothing more?

Can you let go of love, of someone you love, and get it back later, perhaps in greater abundance because of the time you allowed it to appreciate in value, to grow on its own, without constant pressure and reassurance?

And how do you know when you really love someone? How do you know when your feelings are genuine. Is it when you still get butterflies in your stomach when you talk to them, months after your first encounter? Is it knowing that no matter what, they will accept you and your choices in life, as long as you are doing what you truly want? Is it being able to acknowledge that maybe that person needs things that you cannot give them, but because of this you will let them go and explore other avenues, other people, and be happy for them if and when they find joy?

My body is in a state of heat. It has been for days, and it will not be extinguished. I feel like I have woken it up to life, and now I am trying to find a centre in myself, a way to channel this extraordinary energy so that I do no lose it, so that I can bring it into myself and use it positively in my life.

I am trying to clear my mind of all the confusion that clouds my thoughts. It seems that there are still dark and misty patches that no matter what I do will not clear. I do not know where I stand or what I want. What I do know is that I am genuinely happy at this precise moment.  I feel like I am actually being myself and doing what makes me feel good. And I want to continue along this path.

Honesty is the only way forward. I need to be brave and simply say what I think and feel when I feel it. Hiding away behind ambiguity can only hurt me. Plus I will hurt other people as I go, and that is simply unfair. The difficulty is knowing for sure what it is that I want, or think, or mean.