Today the snow is making that sound, like styrofoam crunching with each step. It’s so cold outside that snowballs won’t form, that everyone has rosy cheeks for ages after going inside.
I miraculously managed to write the entire treatment for my scriptwriting class yesterday. Not without help — both Emo and the Brit have helped me get to know the characters and what they might do, how they may act. Hell, Emo even wrote a few scenes himself (although these haven’t necessarily been included in the script). Sometimes I can’t believe that this is actually school work, that the projects I have for my classes this semester are things that I’m going to be graded on. I feel so enthused and get so carried away with myself that it doesn’t feel like work. That’s what I want from my life — to be able to work on these projects that excite me, that make 7 hours in front of a computer screen go by in a flash, that make me forget to eat, not want to go to bed because I still have so much I need to get down.
I’m feeling really happy today. I’m trying to get better at releasing the negative feelings I have, rather than clinging onto them and burying them deep within me, where they lurk invisibly, poisoning me slowly, seeping into my blood and tissue. This morning I spoke to the Catalyst again, and we talked about all of the useless drama that I created this week, the upset that I caused for both of us. He says that he folds. And I can see why. It isn’t his job to tell me when I’m being self-destructive, when I’m making myself unhappy. He isn’t my counsellor. I don’t really know what it means that he’s thrown in his cards. We still love one another. I don’t even know how this is very different from what we were before, but he said that he needs to take his distance, and I’ll give it to him. I won’t stop thinking about him, though.
