I can finally say that I’ve drank enough. I need to stop. This is not normal. Most people do not go out every single night. Most people sleep. I need to sleep.
You know when you have that one extra drink that puts you over the edge? Even worse, you know that stupid thing you sometimes do when you’re too drunk, when smoking a joint still seems like a great idea? But it isn’t. It’s stupid. And you knew that before you started smoking, but the alarm bells going off in your head were muffled out by the flood of alcohol that you had tipped in.
Ugh. I feel terrible. If a brutal hangover is all it takes to keep me from being a proper alcoholic, maybe that’s a good thing. My roommate’s going to laugh at me when he gets home. I cannot go out tonight. I just can’t do it. I need to be good. I need to sleep when it’s dark out. No more of this trying to sleep although the sun is shining in my face bullshit. It’s just funny that I’ve managed to evade hangovers so successfully in the recent past that it seemed like drinking every night was actually okay. It’s not okay.
Aside from hitting an alcohol-induced breaking point, the past few days have been really rather stellar. Yesterday involved very little. Hot Smart Girl left in the morning around 9:30. I slept until 4pm. Bumbled around, read, you know… Then I was called into work, which was highly annoying, and subsequently told that I wasn’t needed, which was fabulous, and so I went to meet up with the dips (this is our affectionate term for the diploma students in our programme), and drank all night long.
Friday was even better, but I think I already wrote about some of it. After work –which was a total shit show but lucrative — Dina came over and we hung out. We only ended up sleeping for about an hour, because her ride back to Toronto was at 10am. It was an absolutely beautiful night. Enough said.
Now I’m going to begin sounding like a New Age hippie, but I really feel like the vibrations are incredibly positive at the moment. There is so much positive energy flowing around. Maybe some of it is coming from me, or perhaps I am interacting with more positive people, but damn I have a good feeling about life and the world and where things are going at the moment. It’s exciting because it’s helping me to make good choices, and the things that I do that are perhaps questionable (like not sleeping or drinking too much) are justifiable in that I am connecting with other people and doing what makes me happy. And the sun is shining, and and and…
